Self Centered Asshole

I had a thought come to me recently due to texting a friend of mine that is attending the UofU right now. She made me think a little deeper about something I already knew was an issue of mine (This is a personal thing well I find it personal at least) It is something that irritates me IMMENSELY about myself. That thing, issue, or personal defect whatever you choose to call it is that I am a a fairly self centered person. 

Here is the kicker I feel super shitty for being this way at all. It really burns me up inside every time I notice it this really is the thought in my head. "You piece of shit what's wrong with you." That pops into my head every time I realize what I'm doing saying or how I'm acting about something. I feel the worst when I do it to friends and it happens frequently luckily I have good friends that for some reason put up with it or just choose not to realize it. (I don't know what they think I just appreciate them for continuing to be my friends) I don't like dwelling on it either it just makes my stomach feel like a pit and it's just a plain terrible feeling to have.

 This also just made me think of something that goes hand in hand with being selfish is being an asshole. This picture doesn't fit perfectly I'm not an "Oblivious" asshole I know I am here's a justification moment (Everyone has their own asshole moments and if you don't think you do then you need to pull your head out) I work on this on the daily pretty much have been since I was barely a teen. It usually happens with girls most, which is the worst thing about it cause then you have to suffer through trying to apologize and let them know that your truly sorry (that might sound mean in itself but girls you know that is pretty much how it goes when someone offends you and tries to apologize) Sorry to all those who took offense to that just my opinion on how I see it.

Any-who back to the selfcentered/selfish thing, this is just another thought I had that made me think of me being a selfish person and my personal beliefs. My personal beliefs are to help people, friends, colleagues, and the occasional person I barely know. Here's the conflicting view with that for me. My favorite author is Ayn Rand her books evolve around pretty much one thing objectivism. Basically the teachings objectivism are all about being selfcentered and doing things for the benefits of ones own wellbeing, that is putting it in pretty basic terms I guess. (I could go deeper I choose not to for the readers sake)  I love and accept Ayn Rands philosophy on the matter which in turn is a contradiction with my belief of trying to be selfless and help people or be their for people (I see it as a contradiction at least) I guess I just feel that I work can work both of these beliefs into my life and live happily.

(This is supposed to represent harmony in my life of accepting the things which I stated in that last sentence)

Sorry this all may seem a bit scrambled but factor in the time I am doing this at which is two in the morning (just FYI) Back to the point I owe many an apology to many people mostly girls (guys just don'tgive a shit most of the time sorry lady's) There is a reason why this girl initially brought up this flaw of mine. It was because I hurt her by making my intentions un-clear to her when I tried to I just am shitty at wording things so they always come out wrong it's pretty much diariah of the mouth in the worst way. I owe this girl an apology still actually (Readers: You ASSHOLE!) I know I'm working on the wording thing still so I can get it right this time.

This is just really to let people know that if you think the world is a terrible place and the people in it need to change this is to let you know, You need to take a good long look in the mirror because you're no saint yourself and also that people are trying to change their ways and certain flaws they have as a human being.

I end this quoting Michael Jacksons song Man In the Mirror.

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make a change."

Charity and Where I would be without it.

In life I don't think anyone person could truly get by on their on through out their entire life, I myself no. I would be a bum on the streets at only the age of eighteen if it weren't for those people. So this is a post to all those people who help people when really they don't have to but do it out of the kindness in their hearts.

Charity - generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless.

This is the definition of charity that I liked best mostly because it applies to ME and my "helpless" ass. In the past year alone I have lived in three different places. This is excluding my dad's house, I left there right as I turned eighteen at the beginning of my Senior year of high school. I felt the need to do a charity rant because with out a life full of charitable people I don't know where I would be. 

This is a picture I found that made me think that's me as a bum, luckily I'm not. I recently was lucky enough to leave actually a pretty crappy situation in one of the places I used to live in. I drank a few (yes I am a minor I know it was stupid hence why I no longer live there and I drank a total of five times and not once got really truly shitfaced) times and just wasted a few months of my life with really nothing too productive.

 I started out living at a friends house when I turned eighteen cause his parents were kind enough to let me move in (free of rent and only asked that I do as I told and attend church regularly one of these I didn't do) I lived there for just about nine months. I moved in with a leg injury that I didn't even know how serious it was only to find out a month later that I had torn my ACL (this is the main ligament in your leg if you didn't already know that ) and  also tore my Medial and Lateral Meniscus. This family was nice enough to even take me to a doctor so I could find out what I did to my leg cause it wasn't getting better.

They took me to doctor's appointments for six months and physical therapy til I quit going for lack of funds and i could do the stuff on my own (probably should have continued to go) I was on their couch for a week just cause I couldn't move barely (I sucked with my crutches and was attached to this weird ice machine)

A reminder if I have lost you this is about CHARITY from those that I didn't deserve to receive it from (my personal opinion). I appreciated it all immensely and never felt like I did enough to repay them for it. My dad also helped me during this time (I didn't want to not mention him and make my father sound like an asshole he still helps me when I need advice and other fatherly things). They did a TON for me and I still feel like I didn't thank them enough one day I will repay them in some way.

I eventually had to leave their house (left earlier than originally planned) only left cause I found another place luckily I had a cool enough brother to let me move in to where he was living, RENT FREE once again all I had to do was clean the house (It was pretty shitty and I tried never met their expectations but it was way better than before I moved in there). We started fighting and some shitty moments happened, I couldn't take it anymore myself I realized how bad it was for me to be there. But I appreciate it still very much, so Kurt if you ever see this by chance I did appreciate it and I was a shitty brother.

LOVE YOU DUDE! (not actually me and my brother)

I now live with my great friend's the Dunn's once again RENT FREE (talk about some freaking charity). All they asked me before I officially moved in was "What are your plans?" that included plans for a job and college and a couple other things. After I told them they pretty much welcomed me to the family (metaphorically of course) I have been here almost two months I turn nineteen in the next two weeks and have been searching diligently for a job. They even give me (in my opinion) easy opportunities to make some money. Chris Dunn has also given me some great advice on mostly life direction and career choices but I take them all to heart and do as he suggests.

Now coming to my conclusion, there are tons of people in my life who help me daily in other ways. I wanted to make sure I thanked them. Cause if it weren't for most of them I would probably be the biggest lost cause EVER. Here are some names of those people in no specific order just as they pop into my head. My brother Mat Poulsen, my Dad Palle Poulsen, the Dunn family Jeanie and Rob Robles, Kurt Poulsen, Kari Malkovich, Sheri Lambourne, Rena Smithey, Ben Callahan, Ashley Christinsen (recently married can't remember the new name), Sarah Shuler, Ralph Jamsa, and many more just can't think of all of them

But if it weren't for these people I would be an empty shell of a human being drifting in the grey area of the real world and hell. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Some Creations of an Oddly Artistic Being

This is just a picture of me to let the world see the "Actual" Oddly Artistic being. This post will go along the lines of Some Creations so maybe it will actually make some sense. These have all been done within the last six months so just take a gander and see what you think, and remember feel free to leave a comment or critique me a little if you want to.

Focal Point

 This is not supposed to be a self portrait. I just wanted to have the hand be the focus and do a hand drawing as detailed as I could. Enjoy.

 Empty Horizon

This is one of my personal favorites. I forgot to mention this were all for my AP Art class in high school, my concentration was skulls mostly just a play on death really. (No I'm not "emo" it was just a good subject matter) so, enjoy. Remember to comment.

 Always Watching

This is my actual guitar that I did this painting on it was entitled Always Watching because my Mother died when I was three. Each nerve ending coming off the stem is represents one of my family members, and the eye and stem represent my mother. Hence representing that she will always be watching over my family.



 Third Eye

This is the first ever print I did, if you look closely you will see something like an abstract eye and it is titled Third Eye cause I was listening to tool at the time I came up with the idea for it.(F.Y.I. This is a great song even if your not a fan just listening to the lyrics gives you something to think about)

Reality Broke

This is another favorite of mine and it is the longest I have ever worked on a piece(I worked on it for over thirty hours had my eyes freaking out from all the neon colors). It is called Reality Broke. For the sole purpose of making people think about what reality really is. Although at times I feel like I didn't get my point across but oh well.

Where's The Voice

This piece was titled  Where's the Voice from a thought I had about how there really hasn't been any type of band that has come out in the last FOREVER that has been original (Also just for my love of music). The background is horrible cause I had to rush and finish it to turn it in but the Microphone is pretty detailed.

Any who. These are just a small amount of my artworks Reality Broke will soon be touched up and re-posted most likely. Email me if you like what you see. If you have a request maybe just comment and I will look them over.

This is the beginning of an Oddly Artistic being. In a world of many things, many people, and many places, but how do I really begin? A small bit of who I am perhaps. I am an artist in my own definition I make no money from it but I have so much love for art and all things that come with being artistic. In a short while there will be some examples of my Oddly Artistic mind.